Work – worth it all?

There are questions that are just difficult to answer. I am not a fan of grey areas, middle grounds or “it’s complicated”-type-responses. However, when people come to know of the profession I belong to, I sometimes get asked “is it worth it?” I have been told that I am ‘queen of diplomacy’ and so I answer such a question in a diplomatic manner – highlighting the obvious challenges and layering them with the positives.

But I am forced to think about this question from time to time. The start to this medical career has been marked by bountiful obstacles. I did not think it was going to be easy, I just didn’t anticipate the level of difficulty I was going to face. I love learning but at a pace that I can assimilate new information. This option was not available during my medical school years. In addition, there were pressures from several deadlines, the need to attend several social events and the desire to rest. What this taught me was how to read through any voluminous material-in-print, discovering the key points in under thirty minutes but perhaps at the sacrifice of any depth to my learning.

Fast forward several years after medical school and the pressures are still there albeit a different kind. On a rota, I work 9 to 5. In reality, I can work anywhere between 8am and 6pm. My working schedule is a little more complex than this; working ‘9-5’ only occurs 75% of the time and the remaining 25% is given to “on-call” shifts. These shifts are typically 12hours – either in the day, at night or during the weekend.  The standard working hours are busy enough to leave you truly exhausted by the time you get home. When one gets into that 25% predominated by on-calls, you become like an animal in hibernation.  No one sees you or hears from you for weeks and you eat at odd times of the day or at night when you would naturally be asleep.

Allow me to take you on a journey of my work. If you’ve travelled by air before, hopefully you’ve had a smooth journey each time. I’ve been on a few journeys where we experienced turbulence. When the plane is going about its journey, you’re calm, life is bliss and you may even forget you’re so many feet above sea level. Then out of nowhere, there’s a bit of turbulence and it all surfaces: the fears, worries, anxieties and ugly traits of the passengers.  Working as a doctor can be like that sometimes. The smooth flight journey can be likened to the standard working hours. It’s do-able on most days. Then you begin on-calls and it’s like turbulence.

The on-call shift starts with a ‘handover’ in the office. This is usually with a different team to the one you’re used to working with on the wards. You are likely to be working in a different environment, probably a rapid assessment unit of some sort. It’s a different system compared to the wards. No one really takes the time to explain what should happen, you  are just supposed to get on with it.  I am often ‘lucky’ enough to see complex patients. If I am faced with a new situation in which I am clueless, I generally ask for help. Help can sometimes be in the form of an arrogant dismissal forcing you to go figure it out on your own somehow.

While still dealing with the shock of such attitude and the uncertainty of what to do next, the nurse comes flooding me with tasks, instructions and requests. “Dr! Dr! please review this patient “, “Oh doctor, just before you go please prescribe this”, “Dr, this patient has difficult veins, can you please take their bloods”.

The family of the complex patient want answers; their faces so full of concern were looking to me expectantly before I left the room. The nurse also wants me to speak to another family who wants answers, about a patient whom I know nothing about.

Just as I finish one task, the new healthcare assistant asks me for help with a patient. She doesn’t know what to do, it’s her first day and the nurse has just told her to help a patient clean up. I think of the patient who is not comfortable sitting in a soiled bed and is unable to help himself because he is paralysed down one side. I think of this young lady who is starting work in a new place yet much is expected of her. For a moment, I consider that Jesus would not say “no, I can’t help you, it’s not my job”. We spend some time finding all we needed and together we helped the patient, changed his clothing and the beddings.  Doctors and nurses have different roles and often one would hear this being said “you should not be doing that, it’s not a doctor’s job” Again I considered who are we working to help? If it’s the patient, does it matter in such a situation who helps out?

Anyway, it’s now well over half time in this twelve hour shift. The ‘jobs’ to be done have not stopped flowing in. As a junior doctor, you’re the perfect middle man. Everybody needs you; the medical student who is shadowing you, the senior doctors, the pharmacist, the physiotherapist, the nurses and the ward clerk. In the midst of being bombarded, most don’t care that you’ve not eaten, you’re tired or maybe even drowning in a sea of tasks.

Now that I have finally gotten a ‘spare’ moment, I head towards an angry relative praying that I have the right words to placate him/her.

After working like this for a week, I am – without a doubt – overwhelmed.  The opportunities to fully unleash my anger or frustration at a colleague because of how badly they have treated me or what thy have said to me have been plentiful.  It takes a lot of self control and more to hold back your words and not cause any verbal destruction.

The very first block of on-call shifts turned me inside out and revealed a lot about my character, my response to pressure and my values. I felt terrible that I had a bad attitude to being overworked. I kept asking myself “how do I show the light of Christ when all I want to do is unleash my frustration and complain?”

Work completely sapped out my energy. I was often too tired to eat, not to talk of cooking. It made it difficult to keep in touch with family or actually engage in conversations with friends. I was missing church often because I worked weekends and I would get to this place of just being numb, feeling like a walking empty vessel.

At times when I feel stretched to my limit and am at breaking point, this profession does not seem worth it. I am “forced” to push aside the things that matter for the sake of work which is deeply painful and unfulfilling. When I think of the grateful patient or family, the body that looked like it was knocking on death’s door but is now active and full of energy, the colleague whose day you made, the life experience, the friends you make – it is worth it!

So to my fellow workers out there;  whether you are working in a professional capacity or not, starting your own business , looking for a job or just striving in one way or another to reach a goal, I empathise with you.

Here are a few things to remember when it gets too much to handle:

1. DEER – Drink, Eat, Exercise, Rest. I have this written down in front of my journal, not sure where I got it from but it’s very important. Nobody knows your body more than yourself. It needs care to function properly and your body has to function well for you to function at all. Keep hydrated throughout the day, have something to eat, try to carve out breaks for yourself through the busy day and get a good rest. Rest does not equate to sleep, sometimes shutting down from work activities and doing something you enjoy counts. As for exercise, nothing too demanding, regular brisk walks will do.
2. Remember why you are doing what you’re doing – I remember a lecturer in medical school telling us that if we are chasing the career for money, we should quit immediately. It takes a vision bigger than yourself or needs to keep you going. It’s useful to have a vision board or a book where your plans/ideas get inked on a page. What vision did you have when you decided to pursue a certain path? Write it down and if possible paste it on your wall so you can see it daily as a reminder. Remember the bigger picture. Colossians 3:23 says “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters” and Ephesians 6:7 says “Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people. It helps to remember that I am really serving God through my job and not just the people at the top of the organisational ladder.
3. OFFLOAD – ranting sometimes help and so does crying but neither tackle the problem. My friend always says “ask yourself why you are feeling the way you are feeling”. Basically, pick at the root of the matter till you discover a specific problem and then find a corresponding solution. Speaking to a trusted friend who will give good advice is a good idea, they may help you dig out the root of the problem too.  It may be that your boss, be-littles you for not knowing something. You get angry because of his treatment towards you. The root problem is the lack of your knowledge in a certain area so if you find out more about it, read around it and come armed with information, he’ll have nothing to use against you the next time you meet. So you may rant to offload but make sure as you get rid of the problems, you fill yourself up with the solution (if there is one).
4. Stay connected to the source – this was a slogan for a radio channel my friends and I started back in university. When most people don’t eat, they start getting cranky and irritable. I find similar happens regarding my spiritual life. If I become too busy to the point of not spending time with God, I tend to think, speak and act in a way that does not bring life, offer grace or spread love. How could I when I’m being fuelled by all the negativity I’m receiving and not from the living God – my source?! If we are connected to the source, we remain focused on the eternal and we do not become so easily entangled in the cares and burdens of life here on earth, no mater how relevant and important those earthly issues are.
5. RE-ORGANIZE – remember that work is a part of your life and not life a part of your work. if work is consuming your life (and believe me, it can be difficult to prevent this), you may need to re-organize your schedule, fix hobbies in and be intentional about living your life. For me, what that means is that I sometimes have to ensure that during my off days, I’m doing something – like travelling home to visit family or cooking or writing otherwise it ends up being sacrificed to ‘tiredness’.

In the end, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9 and may our Love inspire others to seek The Source!

2 Corinthians 4:8-12

 “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;  persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.  So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you”.

With sincere Love,

Gem.x

DISCLAIMER: Please, if you are planning on pursuing a career in Medicine, don’t feel threatened or put off by this post. This post simply highlights some of the challenges but there are a lot more positives which is not talked about here. 🙂